Sometimes the urge to fit in can be consuming. We have every intention of “being ourselves” however this is hard to do when we don’t actually know who we are. How many times have you caught yourself out trying to ‘fit in’? Maybe you were trying to name drop, to mention topics that would make you seem like you fitted, to desperately try to find common ground so you could experience that all important sense of belonging.
For as long as I can remember I have never felt like I ‘fit in’ anywhere. Throughout my life I have made attempts to find a place in the various social groups I have encountered, butt truth be told, there has never been a place that I felt like I belonged.
This used to terrify me. What if I never fit in anywhere? Being an introvert on top of this dilemma just added to my angst. Oddly enough, I never felt alone. One on one relationships I found to be stimulating and interesting however attempting to merge these diverse and interesting souls together would be like blending oranges, dog food and ice cream together, bizarre and unpalatable. The beautiful souls I encountered were bordering on being different species almost in some instances!
As far back as I can remember these thoughts and circumstances prevailed. I always felt a strange comfortableness with my uniqueness, yet at the same time felt like I was supposed to be making more of an effort to fit in with the expectations of society. Truth is I was attracted to a diverse range of people. I attempted throughout my teens and twenties, ok maybe my early thirties too, to fit in with various groups and cliques. None of these attempts ever proved to be fruitful, in the long term anyway. Reality is I just love to meet a whole range of people, when I am ‘fitting in’ it feels wrong, like eating pizza everyday for breakfast, lunch and tea. At first it is exciting, yet rapidly this pleasure becomes boredom and soon after resentment.
Just to clarify, it wasn’t that I didn’t feel some connection or bond with the various people and groups I flowed through. As in any group situation there were some people that I connected with easier than others, yet there was never a place that I didn’t make a connection. Problems, in my mind anyway, only began to arise when I had to figure out if they had a permanent place in the tapestry of my life, and how on earth I could link them to the other random and mismatched pieces in my colourful existence.
Maybe my mind was blocked by a limiting belief that these wonderful mismatched pieces even needed to fit together. What if they are allowed to just exist as they were? What if the best possible outcome is that never the twain shall meet? I love being able to talk with such a beautiful blend of people and to learn from them and be inspired. Whoever I encounter I hope that at the very least I bring them a smile and some good honest laughter. As for the clique, the need to belong to a group and to fit, maybe it really isn’t important to me at all. Maybe I am just trying to do what it feels like society expects me to do.
Ultimately, if I had to select one group to fit in to forever and to be limited to a lifetime of predictable conversation, small minds and people trying to conform to some non-existent rule of the world, I would much rather continue on the path I am on. Diversity is a beautiful thing and I am grateful for all that I experience as a result of it.
